I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
