ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize