Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
