We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
