Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
