Pants 0. Shit 1.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
