When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
