Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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