I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
