nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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