Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
