oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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