Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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