He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
