I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
