Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
