i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
