yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Semen is not good for contacts.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize