I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
