Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
