stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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