we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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