if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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