I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
