i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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