His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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