the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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