96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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