when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
wow bdsm is so cute
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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