I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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