I'm going to jail i love you
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I will pee on everything he values.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
