Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Did I show you my penis last night?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
