Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
