OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
