I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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