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drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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