Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
