Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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