a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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