oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
