Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You ate ashes out of my bong
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
