Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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