You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
