I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
