you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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