we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
