Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
