remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
