Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
