remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
