My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
