there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
