had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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