The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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