Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
