:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
