my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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