im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
