There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wish you could order shots online.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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