Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
