What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
