she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize