remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
