and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
