I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
