you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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