Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
