She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
