Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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