Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
